Pain
by Jonouchi-Kaiba-Mokie
Summary: During a battle with Kougaiji, Sanzo is killed, leaving behind Goku to fend for himself. As the Seiten Taisei crumbles from the pain the heavens stir and the Merciful Goddess offers the soul of Sanzo a deal, return to earth as Konzen or watch Goku suffer
1. Prologue

Title: Pain

Author: JKM

Summary: During a battle with Kougaiji, Sanzo is killed, leaving behind Goku to fend for himself. As the Seiten Taisei crumbles from the pain the heavens stir and the Merciful Goddess offers the soul of Sanzo a deal, return to earth as Konzen or watch Goku suffer for eternity.

Pairings: Sanzo x Goku, Konzen x Goku, Gojyo x Hakkai, Kougaiji x OC

Warnings: Character death, yaoi, shonen-ai, OC

Disclaimer: Saiyuki does not belong to me and I am making no money off this story.

Note: This is my first time writing a Saiyuki story, however am no stranger to fanfiction. It has been some time however. I can leave this as a ficlet or continue with the whole story, I'd love to hear some assessments. And if the warning is not enough, there is Yaoi, boy x boy love. Don't like, don't read. I'm working on the first chapter right now so if you review, I'll post.

* * *

The blood was everywhere; it stained the white ground as blank stares landed. He had been Kougaiji's newest comrade, loyal to a fault and now blood spread around him in a dark spray, crimson against the white ground, one of his weapons, a pair of daggers, lay beside him, the other was buried in the chest of the other blond figure.

Blood stained the pristine robes of the sanzo priest, unmoving as Goku let his pain be known in his screams, holding Sanzo close. Tears fell from his golden eyes, his hand covered in blood as he shook his head, not wanting to believe it. Genjo Sanzo was gone from this world, and Goku was alone. Unknown to him five hundred years ago he had felt the same pain when Konzen had been crushed beneath the gate, nothing left of his form.

The screams were unintelligible, the cries of Sanzo diminishing into sounds of absolute pain. Neither Gojyo nor Hakkai dared stop Goku, dared to try to remove the priest from his arms because there was just no telling what the brunet would do.

It had happened so quickly, the blond demon had responded to the fight by throwing the dagger. It had struck the priest in the chest, imbedding deep into his heart and blood had spurted out, staining his robes and scripture. No one had ever thought that he would die so easily but with the way the blood flowed out he had no more than a few minutes.

Goku had gone into a rampage, attacking the demon until he was covered in his own blood. He tried to fend for himself but it was too late. A final blow to his chest crushed his lungs, sending his ribs caving in. He had coughed a spurt of blood as he looked up at Goku, pleading before the Nyoi Bo crushed his skull. Goku never knew his name was Katsuro, never knew that he was Kougaji's lover. And what's more… he didn't care. He didn't want to fight anymore as soon as the blood had been spilled, instead retreated to Sanzo's side and snarling at any that dare come near them.

He was already dead, bleeding too heavily for Hakkai to heal him. Goku was unconcerned about his own injuries, only clinging to Sanzo, the cries continuing. They were inhuman screams of pain, sending a shudder through Gojyo's spine as his red eyes were cast downwards.

Kougaji had lifted Katsuro up and carried him away, Yaone, Lirin and Dokugakuji following him in silence. They wouldn't push the fight, not today. They wouldn't be able to get their hands on the scripture anyways.

Finally Goku turned his head up towards Hakkai, eyes brimming with tears. "Heal him! Heal him!"

"Goku… I…"

Instantly the youkai was on his feet, hitting Hakkai as hard as he could, fists leaving bruises against his chest as Hakkai stopped Gojyo from interfering. Instead his green eyes stared down at Goku who finally collapsed to his hands and knees, sobs escaping him.

"Hakkai…"

* * *

Goku had stumbled blindly into the room, staring blankly as if off into another world. He was a long way from home. The temple… when had he started thinking of that as home? He wasn't sure. With hand gripping the sheets he buried his face into the pillow. He didn't bother moving, even when Hakkai knocked on the door to tell him they were going to go downstairs to eat.

All he could think about was Sanzo. How could they continue west without him? He was the reason they were all there. Hands clenched in the pillow, the sounds of desperation continuing to emerge from Goku and even when he lifted his head his eyes burned and blurred from the tears that continued to stream down.

Goku had never known anything could hurt this much. The tightening of his chest was overbearing and all he could do was stare. There was a sound, announcing someone entering as Gojyo placed some food on the ground.

"If you get hungry…" there was no insult, and that in and of itself was so unlike Gojyo. But he wouldn't tease the monkey, not now. Not when he could barely tell up from down.

Looking up with bleary eyes Goku rubbed the tears away with his sleeve. Instantly he was on his feet and ran towards Gojyo, crushing the kappa in an unusual hug. It wasn't unusual for Goku to hug, but it was always Sanzo. But now he was gone and the half demon could only lightly pat Goku's head as he buried his face in Gojyo's chest, the sobs wracking his body.

Though over five hundred years Goku was still a child at heart, and he had just lost something very important to him. As he was held Goku continued to sob, not even noticing when Hakkai came around from behind to hold him and stroke his hair. Held by his two friends Goku eventually fell into a dreamless sleep, his body worn from exhaustion, his mind numb.

Lifting up Goku's limp body Hakkai placed it on the bed, covering him before ushering the other into their shared room. With two rooms Gojyo usually shared with Goku, while Hakkai was with Sanzo, keeping the two couples separated in fear that Sanzo would be pushed too far.

But not anymore. While Gojyo and Hakkai had their own advice as what to do with the monk's body Goku had insisted on a proper burial, however that was proving to be troublesome. They couldn't exactly bring the body with them, and if it was shipped back Goku would certainly want to be there. Gojyo had to wonder if Goku was a far more devout follower of buddha than the monk himself. Hakkai meanwhile was certain Sanzo would have prefered to be cremated in private rather than a huge ceremony. In the end between cremation, a proper burial, and leaving the body there to rot, Hakkai had won out in the traditional way of solving their arguments, by gambling.

And so a jar with Sanzo's ashes, his banishing gun, his cigarette and lighter, and the Maten Sutra was all that was left of Genjo Sanzo. Upon their return they would scatter the ashes in the river Sanzo had once been pulled from. They were all in Goku's possession, who would not give them up willing, nor would Gojyo or Hakkai try to take them from him.

As Hakkai sat on the bed in silence, Hakuryuu perched his shoulder he felt a hand resting on his arm. Glancing up his real eye focused on Gojyo. Despite the many complaints about Sanzo, and the willingness to leave his side they all felt the loss deeply.


	2. Chapter 1

**Three years later**

By all looks he was a refined young man, however what was beyond that beautiful appearance no one knew. He had appeared in a town to the east and had only recently arrived in Chang'an. He was impossible to forget, with purple eyes that seemed to stare into one's soul and long golden hair, the color of the sun. The crimson chakra was hardly visible on his forehead, hidden mostly by his hair, held back and hanging over his shoulder however his old fashioned look was set off by the modern dress of jeans, boots, and a tight black shirt that showed off his physique.

He hadn't been there long but knew they would be rather difficult to find given the circumstances. However god or priest, it didn't matter, he was not used to things being kept from him. He had died twice and did not intend on repeating the incident. Both had been ugly, bloody deaths.

"_What do you want?" The voice was harsh, a strand of blond hair falling his face as he stared at the figure that had appeared. He had never met her in his life, or so he believed and the merciful goddess known to the heavens as Kanzeon, just smirked at him. _

"_Well, you have made a mess of things, haven't you Konzen Douji? Or should I call you Genjo Sanzo?" _

_He didn't know her, didn't know what she was talking about, or that she wasn't even really a she. Instinct made him reach for the gun that wasn't there, his hand coming out empty. Muscles tensed as he moved into a guard position, knowing that was the only way he would be able to fight. _

"_You are so predictable Konzen," there was a smirk on her lips as she placed a hand out. "I have an offer for you, but this will only be made once." _

"_Shut the hell up you stupid bitch," Sanzo snapped at her however other than his glare his threat didn't hold much. He didn't have his damn fan (though it usually was reserved for Gojyo and Goku), didn't have his gun, hell, he didn't even have his cigarettes or lighter._

_In general Sanzo was none too happy. _

"_I will give you your life back, on one account. You must live in the lower world as one of us, the god you once were." _

"_I don't know what the fucking hell you're talking about!" _

"_Of course you don't Konzen," she smirked at that before reaching down to touch a pool, showing a view of Shangri La burning. "This is what will happen if the Seiten Taisei continues on his path. You must return as Konzen Douji, and stop him." _

"_And if I don't?" _

_She reached over, patting her nephew's cheek. "You will stay dead and watch Son Goku's pain forever," she said, laying on the last layer thick. She knew as Konzen Doji and Genjo Sanzo he could not abandon the Seiten Taisei. Though in complete denial as Genjo Sanzo Son Goku still held his heart. _

"_If you don't the cage will be nothing but a pleasant memory for him."_

_Muscles tensed at that and though it wasn't apparent Sanzo had already made up his mind. It wasn't for that damn earth, it wasn't to live again, it wasn't even for Goku's safety. It was however so that he could see that damn monkey's smiling face once more. _

"_As you order." _

Having memories of both lives intact was not something he wanted. He could remember the pain of his body being crushed beneath the gate to the lower world, having pushed Goku through. He now knew what had become of him and as Konzen Douji and Genjo Sanzo he knew one thing. His life wouldn't be worth anything without Goku. He also knew he wouldn't ever admit it again unless he was about to die.

As his gaze focused intently forward he heard the familiar voices across the road. "I'm telling you 'kai, I can't take it anymore!"

"And what do you suggest we do Gojyo? He has nowhere else to go. With the scriptures returned and Sanzo dead the monks have no reason to let Goku stay there."

It was a rarity when the two had ever argued, however it didn't take him long to realize what

must have happened. The temple had thanked them by kicking Goku out, and with nowhere else to go the monkey must have gone to the only ones he knew would help him, Hakkai and Gojyo.

With the purple eyes focusing on them his mind wandered, absentmindedly reaching in his shirt only to realize he would find no cigarettes there. Kanzeon had provided him food but only enough for the journey from the place he had died. The bitch didn't even think of his other necessities. And so he was stuck here and hadn't had a cigarette since he died.

As his shoulder was struck the purple eyes snapped around, instinctively reaching for the gun that wasn't there. Anger struck through his face, ready to yell at the clumsy oaf that had run into him only to notice the green-eyed demon taking a step back.

"I apologize," Hakkai said with a brief nod of his head as Gojyo stared at him for a moment as if trying to place his face. It was a feeling that he knew the man and realization struck him as the purple eyes bore into him, filled with annoyance and noticed the crimson chakra on his forehead. Such a mark could only mean two things: Sanzo or god.

As he eyed the purple eyes and blond hair his heart caught in his throat. "Hey, Hakkai, you should invite this guy for dinner to apologize…" he said, nudging the dark haired demon in the ribs.

"But Go-" He stopped as the red-haired kappa glanced towards him, not giving him a choice. Hakkai knew better than to argue with Gojyo if he set his mind on anything. "Would you be willing to join us?"

Sanzo glanced towards them… no, not Sanzo… Konzen, or Kouryuu, for he wasn't a Sanzo any longer, and raised an eyebrow. "Whatever, If you insist."

"I do," Hakkai said with his usual smile. As his gaze locked on the man he felt his heart stop. He had seen what Gojyo had, the crimson chakra, the purple eyes, the golden hair framing his face. Was it just coincidence? No, he didn't believe in coincidence. While his mind reminded himself that Sanzo was dead the similarity was too striking. He had to wonder what Gojyo was thinking, taking this man and feeding him, where Goku would no doubt notice the similarity as well. He worried about how the young looking youkai would take to it.

Shifting his bag to the other arm his smile never left his face even as he glanced over towards Gojyo. His glanced was enough to warn the other not to do that again. He had not anticipated on entertaining, especially not someone who could be the twin brother of the late Genjo Sanzo, right down to the crimson chakra on his forehead.

As soon as they stepped in the house Sanzo already knew the horrified look that would no doubt be on Hakkai's face. The room was a mess, dirty dishes piled up and trash lying around. He could still remember the time Hakkai had run off because of the mess they had left.

"Goku! Are you here?"

The young look youkai had stepped out, his hair still short, the coronet on his head as ever but in the past several years he had grown taller and older. While locked away he had not aged but that was not the case anymore. The golden eyes focused on them before his gaze dropped. Gone was the hyper monkey, looking no more than a kid, now he had appeared to sprout into adulthood, his spiky hair lying lightly against his face.

At first appearance he looked like a normal teenager, maybe seventeen or eighteen, however he held a presence of melancholy about him, like he would never be happy again. As the golden eyes lifted up Hakkai smiled.

"Are you hungry Goku?"

Sanzo expected him to practically jump Hakai to get a the food but there was only a mute nod, not a single word.

"This is Goku, he hasn't spoken a word for three years," Hakkai explained to their visitor and Sanzo's eyes didn't leave him. He watched as Goku noticed him and the golden eyes widened in shock. His mouth opened as if about to say something but not a single sound came out.

Goku's mind meanwhile was racing. He knew this man, had seen him before in his mind more than once. The images were fresh of this same man dressed in purple, his actions elegant. A hesitant hand reached out and grabbed the end of the long blond hair as he had done years ago. The silken strands slid over his rough hands, calloused from years of fighting with his Nyoi-bou.

He had seen this man before, not in reality, but in his mind. "Who are you?" He finally said, the first word he had spoken in those three years as he stared up at him.

"Konzen Douji," the name came easily, as if it was the only name he ever had.


End file.
